you guys were way drunker than both of me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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