You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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