Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
