I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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