Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize