Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize