time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
