woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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