is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
