No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
