I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize