being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize