I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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