she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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