why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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