apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
