My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
