It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
