as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize