My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
