Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
