ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
