I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
