were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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