My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
