i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize