Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
