she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
