You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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