my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
