So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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