Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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