this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
