So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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