I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
