the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize