Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
