So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
