Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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