can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
