I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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