She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
