Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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