i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
