After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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