Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
