If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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