that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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