I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
