If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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