foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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