Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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