new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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