Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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