just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
