the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
