mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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