At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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