He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
