he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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