I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
