you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
