just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
