we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
