Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
