I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
