Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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