stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
