I'm passing your future prison.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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