I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
