I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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