Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
