before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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